I leave for the south of France with my boys in a few days. Usually this would be a fantastic opportunity, however my fam is big on offering 'opportunistic' vacations to me. Instead I will be helping to care for the 3 year-old twins with their grandma. The twins are the boys' cousins that literally live in the apartment below us, so I see them often. They're really cute babies but here's the deal: I did a bit of babysitting for them over the Christmas vacation and the boy is very aggressive and the girl likes to play with dolls. I am going to need mild psychedelics to get through the next 2 weeks. As much as I like babies, I enjoy them most in small doses. When I'm forced to interact with them during their play time, I'd rather get kicked in the face with a cleat. To further complicate matters, there's a pool in the backyard and I am terrified I'll wake up one morning to see Chloé floating face down in the pool (this brings to mind my friend Dave's dead baby jokes which do not seem so funny anymore). My plan to avoid this is to have both kids wearing their floaties at all times; swimming, dinner and bed-time; they are not coming off. This may become uncomfortable when they're trying to use the toilet, but I'm not taking any chances.
I'm hoping that granny will spare me an afternoon to go to Saint Tropez. The weather will inevitably be gorgeous and the sea will look amazing. I just hope to get a chance to experience that between feigning excitement over pee-pee in the potty and incessant questionings of, "What's that?" I'm trying to stay positive. How can a vacation in the south of France in April be bad, right?