Sunday, December 19, 2010

Dipping my toe back in the N.D. waters

This was something I'd intended to post a while ago...

So Amazon.com offered me the job yesterday. I was both relieved and disappointed. I'm not terribly anxious to start a full-time desk job again. Today was orientation. While doing our icebreaker (oh god, am I really doing an ice breaker?) I found myself scoffing at everyone's 'fun fact'. One guy said this: "And my fun fact: football." What does that mean? How is your fun fact a noun? Perhaps I should have offered 'sky' as my fun fact, or 'renewable energy'. These are nouns, not facts. There was one guy who seemed as if he may be interesting but he's not even in my training group. However, there does seem to be a plethora of non-interesting people in my training group. Oh--the HR guy this morning (super cute red-cheeked typical ND guy) got an unintended dose of the bitchiness festering just below the surface. The conversation went like this: After handing him my CA drivers license, "California, huh? What are you doing here?" Me: "Ughhhhhhh!" That was it. Just a throaty groan. I didn't even want to be mean to him. But alas. Then during orientation, Amazon catered lunch which consisted of enough pizza to feed Darfur. The thought of people lining up to be mass fed made me angry, so I had an apple out in the car. I have vowed, during my time spent in ND, to never eat fast food, never eat in the car, and never eat at a buffet. Some of why I was unhappy before had to have to do with all the bullshit I ate. Casey thinks I'm crazy but I'm looking around this city and the chicks here are FAT. While I was in France I had 2 different doctors tell me I was fat and needed to lose weight. I cannot imagine what their words for these girls would be. And I find it interesting the different ways these girls try to individualize themselves. Generally I find it's with bad hair cuts and shitty dye jobs. Who are you? Who are you? (said in the wispy voice of the anorexic chick from Drop Dead Gorgeous).

Thursday, December 9, 2010

If you don't have anything interesting to say, don't say anthing at all.

There is a creepo at work who will begin conversations with me that may or may not relate to anything being said or done at the moment. I have been quizzed on a range of topics including: what type of tea do I drink, how many candles do I have in my apartment, what kind of car do I drive and why don't I go into advertising. Short of not responding, I am quite sure that I'm exuding a rather potent air of disinterest, leading me to believe this dude really just can't sit and shut it or loves being silently but overtly demeaned. I'm trying to adhere to workplace etiquette whereas I show everyone respect. How about showing me a little respect and quit interrupting my lunch with your inane chatter!?

I work in an environment that must spawn people like this. There's a pregnant chick who likes to join me for lunch and breaks and talk about absolutely nothing. She's one of these who will ask you a question just so she can answer it. And she'll make uninteresting comments like, "I love seeing pregnant women." Hmmm. That's a very not interesting statement. I am absolutely sick of this bullshit silence-filler. This is a call to arms. We cannot encourage this behavior. If someone begins talking about something boring (this includes the weather), you must IGNORE them. This is how we handle children who are throwing fits to get our attention and this is how we must handle adults who are making fatuous comments to keep our attention. Grown-ups must learn to have a conversation! Kids would never sit and engage one another if the convo fell flat, they would find a more interesting companion. I suggest we all do the same.

Another moronic encounter

A chick at work, who regularly feeds from the vending machine at lunch, declared Mexico to be overseas. I pointed out, tactfully of course, that to get to Mexico there is no sea to cross. She paused for a moment and emphatically declared that anywhere that is not in the United States is considered 'overseas' to her.

Everyday is a lesson in humility. Every single fucking day.