Last night I babysat for a woman I met at the boys' school. She has 3 boys: 7, 4 and 20 months. The baby is a dream, but the older boys are obsessed with farting and burping. I mean to say, they can't get a sentence out without punctuating it with an actual fart and/or burp or making reference to it. The 7yo, Jacob, burped 3 times during dinner, and they were fucking impressive. I nicknamed him The Belcher, but for reasons unknown, he took offense.
We were going through the bedtime routine, and while I'm changing and attending to the baby, 4yo Dylan refuses to put on his pj's. He was being such a dick about the whole thing that I put him to bed early. When I came back downstairs, Jacob asked if that's how I do things at my house; put kids to bed early as punishment. I told him that normally I don't have to punish my kids because they do what I say. And then Jacob asks, "Why?" What a bizarre question. Why do they obey me? Because I'll break they're fucking teeth if they don't! I told him it starts with going to bed early, and if the dissonance persists, the consequences become more severe. We've had a lot of unplanned visits from the Tooth Fairy. Consequently, when I told Jacob it was time for bed, he didn't give me any friction over it. Coincidence?